Day One -- Time

Time 

^“Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." Gen 18:10 NIV

     I loved being pregnant. I loved the stretchy clothes, eating six times a day, and watching my stomach grow. I was fascinated at the whole process, and read all kinds of books. The ultrasound pictures of what my daughter, Erin, looked like at twelve weeks and twenty weeks were amazing to me.

     But time seemed to pass slower and slower the closer I got to my delivery date. I was huge, and was only comfortable in one pink sweat suit and one ugly striped flannel gown. It was TIME for this kid to be born. So why does it take forty weeks to make a baby? God had a plan. I’m sure of it. Maybe because I needed time to adjust to my changing emotions, changing girth, or changing hormones. Maybe I needed time to change the priorities in my life because I was going to be someone’s mama.

     Whatever the reason, time is a necessary element in the procreation and birthing a family process. Time to paint, prepare a room, have baby showers, and stock up on diapers. Though sometimes the days pass slowly and our feet swell, the day when the baby is ready does come. We must wait. Waiting is never easy. Whether we are waiting for a child to be born or to heal from a heart-sickness or a physical healing. It just isn't easy. But it can be done.

                     Practical steps 

     Cultivate a day by day attitude and accept each day’s challenges and blessings. Know that each day brings you closer to healing; each step through the valley, each day’s travel brings you that much closer to reaching the other side.

Your thoughts: _________________________________________________

“and she became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham when he was old. The boy was born at the time God had said he would be born.” Gen 21:2 GNB

Time or No One Wants to Hear it

WEEK ONE

“There is a time for everything,

And a season for every activity under heaven.”  Ecc 3:1 NIV

    I lived through a season of divorce. Its climate was quite variable and unpredictable. Hot angry nights followed cold autopilot days. Then the never-ending tears of days were interspersed with brief moments of sun. There were quite a few grey overcast days but sometimes storms of emotions popped up unexpectedly. Drought and downpours were not uncommon.

    None of the above is pleasant, but it can be survived. God’s word says there is a time for everything. I remember reading this and thinking, “Even divorce?” Time to weep, that scripture made sense to me. Time to mourn definitely fit my situation. But where was time to divorce? It’s time itself that is necessary. It’s the only constant predictable cure that I have found and experienced first hand.

    I know you don’t want to hear this. I didn't either. I wanted it over, done, finished and to move forward. But time was what was needed to heal my heart, the distrust I felt towards everyone, and what allowed the pain to reside.

    Time allowed distance to dull the ache and gain perspective. Time sharpened hindsight. Time allowed and inspired growth, change, and the act of being still. (“Be still and know that I am God,” from Psalms 46:10 became my mantra.) Time allows you to draw near to God and invites God to carry you over those dangerous cracks in your life foundation, while providing soothing words that mend those same cracks.

    I wanted to be well quickly. I wanted to get on with it, start over, stop wasting time--which is how I perceived the last two years of my marriage. I tried desperately to be the wife he wanted, the wife God expected, and a good mom too. I prayed, read the books, and saw two counselors to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I begged God to restore, recreate, renew my marriage, but it was not to be. So, let me be done with this.  I was exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally. 

    Mentally, I had been to see two counselors.

    Physically, I suffered through humiliating tests to see why my body was having pains and sleeplessness, to be told it was the stress of my marriage. The symptoms were real, but the cause was anxiety.

    Spiritually, I believed God had abandoned me. I believed the rules applied to everyone but me. Either God simply did not love me or the “rules” about being a good wife--good housekeeper, bookkeeper, caregiver, help mate, companion, kind and generous—did not work.

    Emotionally, I felt rejected on all levels. The man who had lived with me for twenty years had walked away. He did not love me. If I was not worthy of his love--the person who should know me best--then would anyone ever love me? I shut down emotionally for a very long time.

    I am happy to report all of the above has changed for the better. Time, sweet time, was the needed cure. Time to heal on all levels with the help of God, sweet Jesus, and dear friends.

A New Direction for this Fearles Heart

THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DIVORCE

Introduction

     God laid the desire to write this book on my heart as I emerged out of the valley of divorce, holding tightly to His hand two years ago. There are scars, but the wounds have mostly healed. My heart was battered, but not crushed. There were days I knew without a doubt that I would not make it another hour, yet here I sit writing this to you.

     Two of the hardest elements to handle in the whole divorce situation were the isolation I felt and the slow passage of time. I truly believed no one could understand, nor could even relate to my anger, hurt and sense of abandonment. I was so alone and so lonely, and I couldn’t have survived without my friends. Even when I pushed them away, God sent them back to me. God sent them to listen, to hold me up, to cry with me and to even laugh on occasion.

     There were so many days when I survived purely hour by hour, the passage of time amplified by my chaotic emotions, physical stresses, and mental disillusionment. I didn’t believe the counselor who told me to give myself time, or the books I read that said the same thing, or the cliché that “time heals all wounds”.  What I believed was what my senses were telling me: I could not survive this madness even one more hour. Yet, I did. Time, sweet time, has passed and the madness has gone.

     My faith had been a strong vital presence in my life for more than ten years, and especially the last few years before my divorce. The divorce shattered that faith. Where was God? How could He let this happen? The divorce process made me feel like I had been kicked in the chest with a soccer ball. Losing my faith was like that soccer ball becoming embedded and refusing to let me breath.

     I would like to share with you my journey through the valley of divorce.

     The joke goes: A man fell down a manhole and couldn’t get out.  A priest walks by and the man calls out “Father, can you help me out?”  The priest says a prayer and walks on. A doctor walks by and the man calls out again, “Hey Doc, can you help me out of this hole?” The doctor writes a prescription and tosses it in the hole. Then a friend walks by, “Hey Joe, can you help me out of this hole?” Joe jumps in the hole. “Man, why did you do that? Now we are both stuck down here. Joe smiles and says, “Yes, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

     Hopefully God will use me to point the way for you.

    

FEBRUARY 1 2013

Touch the Inside                                            February 1, 2013

Dear Family and Friends, 

^“You created my inmost self, knit me together in my mother's womb. For so many marvels I thank you; a wonder am I, and all your works are wonders. You knew me through and through,”   Psalm 139:13-14 NJB

            In my 52 years I have seen the mountains of Colorado and Tennessee, the deep green-blue Atlantic and Pacific Ocean, and the Gulf of Mexico. I have taken pictures of sunrises and sunsets from atop a cruise ship and from a balcony in Jamaica. I have smelled the roses in my mother’s garden and the wild honeysuckle at my grandmother’s. I have watched horses run from my window in Ireland, and gazed in awe at the depths of the Grand Canyon.

            All of these wondrous things convince and convict me of a God who is the Master Craftsman. Yet of all these marvelous creations He considers us, you and me, His crowning glory. We are His workmanship, formed with His hands, and with His very breath He brought us to life. In His image He formed us.  “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Gen 1:27 NKJV

Why do we resist the understanding that we matter to Him?

“Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God.  Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6, 7b NKJV

 Why do we doubt that He loves and cares for us?

“casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1Peter 5:7 NKJV

He took the time and thought and energy to craft each of us.

“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” Luke 12:7a NKJV

 He knows us, planned our lives, and He wants us to live abundantly.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  Ephesians 2:10 NKJV

I don’t say all these things for us to get puffed up in our own importance but to remind us all that who we are in Christ is what matters most. Through Christ we have the strength we need. Through the Holy Spirit living in us we have the guidance we need. Through Almighty God we have life. And that my dearest family and friends should free us to live the abundant, fruitful life that God has planned.

        ^"if My people
           who are called by My name

                   will humble themselves,
           and pray and seek My face,

           and turn from their wicked ways,

       then I will hear from heaven,
                  and I will forgive their sin

                  ......and heal their land. "   2 Chronicles 7:14  NKJV

Let us all pray and seek His guidance as we go to vote this November.
Amen! 
                                                                

Joy In The Morning

"Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:4-5 NKJV

There were many nights that first year after Erin's diabetes diagnosis that I wondered if I would ever get a full night's sleep again. Most of the time she and I operated from a place of exhaustion. We survived - and she graduated high school - by taking one day at a time. Those first four months were her last in high school. We had a goal: get to May. Day by day.

I must confess that God and I were not on speaking terms at that time. It was more like me yelling, crying out and asking what we had done to deserve this. Still He never left me because the Bible says we are allowed and even encouraged to bring our questions to our Maker. He can take our anger, our crying, and even in all that He can and does provide. He used the angels in my life--friends--to supply my needs for comfort, for encouragement, for stability, and for joy.

Because even in the middle of the night, when my baby girl was saying she was too tired to try anymore, this disease was too hard, and I held her hand and asked her just to hold on until the morning, I knew joy was still possible. I knew deep in my heart, past the weariness in my body and soul, that God was present and His will would be done. And that He loved me and my child more than I could ever dream or imagine. Somehow, somewhere, some when, there would be relief and joy.

Joy does come in the morning. The light of day does provide perspective for bleary bloodshot eyes. Just a thimbleful of hope can carry us into the day. That and a good cup of coffee!

"You have turned my mourning into dancing, you have stripped off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. So my heart will sing to you unceasingly, Yahweh, my God, I shall praise you for ever." Psalm 30:11-12 NJB

What God Gives

"Why do you complain, Jacob?  Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:27-29 NIV

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29 NIV

Weary and in need of rest? How many of us are in this place today? It's hard to be brave when you are tired, when weariness drains your heart, mind, and body dry of all its energy. It's hard to focus. It's hard to be kind, or loving, or giving when you aren't sure you can place one foot in front of the other.  God knew we would need His strength. Jesus knew we would need his rest. Personally, I must believe what the Bible says.  God will provide the strength I need to do whatever needs doing today, this moment. Then Jesus will provide the rest I need to recover and refresh. Jesus will share my burden, whatever it might be. A burden shared is lighter and easier to bear.  And when we come upon a cool shady place on our journey, we can sit and be still in God's presence.

Hear Jesus' voice calling "Come to me" and obey. Allow him to be the Savior he longs to be, the brother he wants to be, the God he is. Accept what God gives to those He calls His own.