Day Three - Listen

                      In order to listen I must stop talking! 
     That was the lesson from today. And not only stop talking, but stop forming a reply to whatever the person is saying to me. If my mind is engaged with that, then it isn't really listening. This lesson applies to the person in front of me, the one on the phone, and even the Blessed Spirit whispering to my heart to listen to the man who has come to spray the building where I work.
     Listening attentively, means actively listening, seeing, really hearing the voice, the needs, the sharing of heart to heart. How can I do that if I want to top their story --good or bad -- with one of my own?  Hearing the Spirit also requires that attention plus obedience.  The Spirit doesn't mind questions and concerns, but at the end of the day obedience is what is necessary.
     I am excited about the adventure of listening to those I interact with on a daily basis but especially excited about what the Blessed Spirit teaches me.
     Have you picked a word of your own?  Have you prayerfully asked God to help you? I pray that all those who read these words will be blessed with Jesus' love and guidance during this year.   

Listen - Day Two

"....to pay attention to, to be alert for a sound...like music or a whisper"

"....to hear something with thoughtful attention; to give careful consideration"

LISTEN

 

I have heard the voices of co-workers making deals, telling New Year's stories, and asking for help.

 

I have heard the voice of family asking for prayer, saying thank you and ' I love you'.

 

I have listened for God's quiet whisper as my calendar reminder popped up to remind me to LISTEN. 

 

I have listened for His direction through the day, but not consistently yet.

 

I will need the reminder pop ups and the sticky notes on my computer through the year.

 

Pray for me to Listen well.

 

And I pray for you to hear Him too.

Listen -- My One Word for 2014

“Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it."  Proverbs 8:32-33 NIV

“So, my dear friends, listen carefully;
    those who embrace these my ways are most blessed.
Mark a life of discipline and live wisely;
    don’t squander your precious life.
Blessed the man, blessed the woman, who listens to me,
    awake and ready for me each morning,
    alert and responsive as I start my day’s work."  Proverbs 8:32-34 The Message

Hello Dear Friends & Family,

The verse above is the one I chose to go with My One Word for this year.
   Listen.
Following a book written by Mike Ashcraft and RachaL Olson, who wrote that though it is hard to change, if we focus on one attribute that we have prayed about and asked God to lead us to, a word that represents what we want to be for Christ or a word that allows others to see Christ in us, then we have a much better chance of success.
   Last year my word was Peace. Looking back at the year I can see how I grew and changed and embraced the Peace that is beyond understanding.  Not perfectly by any means, but as the year progressed so did I. I was better able to handle trials and challenges and required less down time to regroup and get my center back. My foundation in my sweet Jesus grew more solid, and I called upon the Lord God Almighty to go into days of challenges ahead of me. He was my Father Protector, Jesus was my Peace, and my Blessed Teacher --the Holy Spirit -- led my through her still quiet voice.
   And so I begin this year with Listen. My goal to listen attentively to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. To hear God's hopes and directions for serving him and others. To listen without ceasing for my Jesus. And specifically to listen as I begin the rewriting process of 30 Nights with God...the book He has called me to write for Him.
   Do you need a focus for this year? A word to guide and direct or inspire you? The words are as endless as we are individual....for our God is a master craftsman and has an imagination the size of the universe. Seek Him, choose a word, and begin a year long journey to get closer to God. Peace to us all.
Amen.

Friends or God-Sent Angels

Friends or God-Sent Angels

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother (or sister) is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17 NKJV

     Divorce is hard on friendships—individuals and couple friends. It was like a bomb was set off in their midst and the fallout debris went for miles and miles. Looking back I see how my divorce had reverberations in their lives too. Divorce just sucks, and no one within the realm of the divorcing couple escapes some wounds.

     This chapter though is about the friends who were the God-sent angels in my life. I had four friends who truly loved at all times, even when I was particularly unlovable. These, in their love and God-prompted actions, managed to nurse, nurture, protect and guide me through the first couple years.
    Without these four I would have crawled into my bed and never left the house again. Except for Erin. The mother instinct in me was stronger than the desire to hide and grieve. For her I could still manage to function. That was a God-given strength.
    Somehow these four very different human beings were assigned by God to be my friends. One of them was just for this time and I would not have made it without her misery-loves-company personality. But when I began to recover -- God separated us. I see the wisdom in it now, but at the time it hurt greatly. The other three are still with me. Amazing given the trials I put them through. I know their love is true. One of them became my husband, Alan. One has been my friend for 36 years….since we were sixteen years old. The last, but not least, has been my friend for 23 years.
    They stuck with me—even when it wasn’t really me. They arranged birthday celebrations, met me for dinner or a movie, took me to church, invited me to Bible studies, and even helped me plan adventures. They helped me adjust to a New normal. They helped rebuild my self-esteem. I WAS worth knowing and loving. I WAS worth spending time with. I WAS worthy to be a King’s daughter. Because ultimately they pointed me to whom I am in Jesus. Savior, brother, friend, in Him I AM always worthy.

Anger -- Day Five

 “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:30-32 NIV

     It was twenty-six months after my ex moved out of the house when my daughter told me, “It’s too hard to live angry all the time and I’m tired of it.” Can you relate? She’d tried to live that way and she didn’t like who she became. She’d lost friends because of it; lost time, sleep, pieces of her that she was now trying to find or restore.

     I could relate. I knew where she was, but had decided earlier in this season of divorce that I did not want that lifestyle. I did not want to become a bitter old woman, nor a man hater, even though there were too many days to count when I did hate anything male. I gradually recovered from that during my second year. I knew intellectually and spiritually that it was wrong and pointless and self-destructive.

     At some point in time, forgiveness will need to be considered, prayed about and chosen.

     It is a choice you will have to make for yourself, your relationships, and your relationship with God, and your future. Unforgiveness eats away at you like acid. It destroys, ages and taints your entire life. I am speaking from my experience.

     Forgiveness does not excuse the details, the pain, the betrayal, nor the shattered hopes and dreams. Forgiveness recognizes that a wrong was done. Forgiveness recognizes that none of us is perfect, and all of us are very human. Flawed and sinful. Forgiveness recognizes that Christ gave us, you and me, what we did not deserve nor could ever earn. Through Christ you can eventually and prayerfully forgive your ex-spouse.

Practical steps: Make a list of what was taken from you by the divorce. Take the time to write everything you can think of: security, trust, financial support, a partner and anything else that comes to mind. Now realize that they are never going to give these things back to you. This is hard, I know. Cry or yell as long as you want, and then go burn this piece of paper and say, “I forgive you.” Then reach for Jesus’ hand, turn around and walk away. When memories surface remember this act and remember it freed you from a life of bitterness. 

Your thoughts: _______________________________________________

   ^“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13 NKJV

^“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25 NIV

Anger - Day Four

^“A fool gives full vent to his anger,
       but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

Proverbs 29:11 NIV

     We have all done things in anger, said things in anger that we wished later we could have taken back. That is what this verse is talking about. We are not always wise though and especially in the middle of a divorce, wisdom is hard to find. So we must lean on those smarter than us, those less emotional than us for guidance. A calm sure loving voice at the other end of the telephone. Without good friends, who knows the trouble I would have gotten into. I remember one night I was so angry I kept driving in circles around the city. I was too keyed up to go home to an empty house. I needed an outlet for my anger and I was looking for trouble.
           God lead me to a church parking lot. He provided pen and paper to vent my anger on instead of myself or someone else. I wrote the letter to my ex telling him how furious I was, how betrayed I felt, how unfair he had been, how low of a man I thought he was and more. By the time I finished I was exhausted. I drove myself home, took a hot shower and fell into bed. I gave the letter to my counselor.

Practical steps: God will provide a safe place to vent if you seek Him, and sometimes even if you do not seek Him. When physical activity isn’t available, then pen and paper are the next best thing. Cry out to God because we are His and He cares for us.

Your thoughts: _________________________________________________

 ^“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7 NIV

Anger- Day Three

 ^“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
       but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Proverbs 15:1 NIV

Adversaries. Where once a couple had stood, now stood opponents. How do you battle without losing sight of the goal-- to end the war? To reach a peace treaty with as little blood shed as possible? You need a cool calm spirit. You need a gentle spirit. You need the Holy Spirit. During the first year of my divorce I felt the voice of the Spirit whisper to me “Be Still” and “Trust me.” Repeatedly. Only those words.

When David and I would meet to discuss dividing money, belongings, I needed that calm Spirit, that guiding influence. It would have been too easy to accuse, judge, argue, threaten and curse at him. And it would have stirred up his “anger” as the verse above says. Then we would have needed lawyers to talk for us, although sometimes they are necessary because of various legal matters.

Those whispers into my spirit were like invisible cloaks I could slip on and disappear for awhile. It allowed me to be present, yet not to overreact or act emotionally until later in the safety of my bed or with a friend to protect me. I did not always feel God meet me there, but you and I both know that our feelings are tricky and can’t be trusted. The valley of divorce makes steps of faith feel like you are moving five hundred pound weights attached to your feet. Yet those steps are needed if we are going to cross this valley without becoming bitter old crones.

Practical steps: Memorize a verse or two about the Holy Spirit that you can use to calm yourself when meeting with the soon-to-be ex spouse. Or write them on an index card you can pull out of your pocket or purse at anytime. 

Your thoughts: ________________________________________________

^“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26 NIV