Friends or God-Sent Angels

Friends or God-Sent Angels

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother (or sister) is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17 NKJV

     Divorce is hard on friendships—individuals and couple friends. It was like a bomb was set off in their midst and the fallout debris went for miles and miles. Looking back I see how my divorce had reverberations in their lives too. Divorce just sucks, and no one within the realm of the divorcing couple escapes some wounds.

     This chapter though is about the friends who were the God-sent angels in my life. I had four friends who truly loved at all times, even when I was particularly unlovable. These, in their love and God-prompted actions, managed to nurse, nurture, protect and guide me through the first couple years.
    Without these four I would have crawled into my bed and never left the house again. Except for Erin. The mother instinct in me was stronger than the desire to hide and grieve. For her I could still manage to function. That was a God-given strength.
    Somehow these four very different human beings were assigned by God to be my friends. One of them was just for this time and I would not have made it without her misery-loves-company personality. But when I began to recover -- God separated us. I see the wisdom in it now, but at the time it hurt greatly. The other three are still with me. Amazing given the trials I put them through. I know their love is true. One of them became my husband, Alan. One has been my friend for 36 years….since we were sixteen years old. The last, but not least, has been my friend for 23 years.
    They stuck with me—even when it wasn’t really me. They arranged birthday celebrations, met me for dinner or a movie, took me to church, invited me to Bible studies, and even helped me plan adventures. They helped me adjust to a New normal. They helped rebuild my self-esteem. I WAS worth knowing and loving. I WAS worth spending time with. I WAS worthy to be a King’s daughter. Because ultimately they pointed me to whom I am in Jesus. Savior, brother, friend, in Him I AM always worthy.

Anger -- Day Five

 “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:30-32 NIV

     It was twenty-six months after my ex moved out of the house when my daughter told me, “It’s too hard to live angry all the time and I’m tired of it.” Can you relate? She’d tried to live that way and she didn’t like who she became. She’d lost friends because of it; lost time, sleep, pieces of her that she was now trying to find or restore.

     I could relate. I knew where she was, but had decided earlier in this season of divorce that I did not want that lifestyle. I did not want to become a bitter old woman, nor a man hater, even though there were too many days to count when I did hate anything male. I gradually recovered from that during my second year. I knew intellectually and spiritually that it was wrong and pointless and self-destructive.

     At some point in time, forgiveness will need to be considered, prayed about and chosen.

     It is a choice you will have to make for yourself, your relationships, and your relationship with God, and your future. Unforgiveness eats away at you like acid. It destroys, ages and taints your entire life. I am speaking from my experience.

     Forgiveness does not excuse the details, the pain, the betrayal, nor the shattered hopes and dreams. Forgiveness recognizes that a wrong was done. Forgiveness recognizes that none of us is perfect, and all of us are very human. Flawed and sinful. Forgiveness recognizes that Christ gave us, you and me, what we did not deserve nor could ever earn. Through Christ you can eventually and prayerfully forgive your ex-spouse.

Practical steps: Make a list of what was taken from you by the divorce. Take the time to write everything you can think of: security, trust, financial support, a partner and anything else that comes to mind. Now realize that they are never going to give these things back to you. This is hard, I know. Cry or yell as long as you want, and then go burn this piece of paper and say, “I forgive you.” Then reach for Jesus’ hand, turn around and walk away. When memories surface remember this act and remember it freed you from a life of bitterness. 

Your thoughts: _______________________________________________

   ^“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13 NKJV

^“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25 NIV