“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:30-32 NIV
It was twenty-six months after my ex moved out of the house when my daughter told me, “It’s too hard to live angry all the time and I’m tired of it.” Can you relate? She’d tried to live that way and she didn’t like who she became. She’d lost friends because of it; lost time, sleep, pieces of her that she was now trying to find or restore.
I could relate. I knew where she was, but had decided earlier in this season of divorce that I did not want that lifestyle. I did not want to become a bitter old woman, nor a man hater, even though there were too many days to count when I did hate anything male. I gradually recovered from that during my second year. I knew intellectually and spiritually that it was wrong and pointless and self-destructive.
At some point in time, forgiveness will need to be considered, prayed about and chosen.
It is a choice you will have to make for yourself, your relationships, and your relationship with God, and your future. Unforgiveness eats away at you like acid. It destroys, ages and taints your entire life. I am speaking from my experience.
Forgiveness does not excuse the details, the pain, the betrayal, nor the shattered hopes and dreams. Forgiveness recognizes that a wrong was done. Forgiveness recognizes that none of us is perfect, and all of us are very human. Flawed and sinful. Forgiveness recognizes that Christ gave us, you and me, what we did not deserve nor could ever earn. Through Christ you can eventually and prayerfully forgive your ex-spouse.
Practical steps: Make a list of what was taken from you by the divorce. Take the time to write everything you can think of: security, trust, financial support, a partner and anything else that comes to mind. Now realize that they are never going to give these things back to you. This is hard, I know. Cry or yell as long as you want, and then go burn this piece of paper and say, “I forgive you.” Then reach for Jesus’ hand, turn around and walk away. When memories surface remember this act and remember it freed you from a life of bitterness.
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