Ramblings this Easter Monday.....

.....over the last couple of days I have looked up my favorite authors to see what if anything they had to say about fear.  Henri Nouwen I quoted in the last post. Max Lucado wrote a whole book "Fearless" with many Biblical quotes. "Fear creates a form of spiritual amnesia. It dulls our miracle memory. It makes us forget what Jesus has done and how good God is." (pg 10)  The further into the storm  and the longer the battle the weaker our memory is of who our God really is.  Again this makes it important to develop a daily practice of prayer and listening.  Because as John Eldredge says "We are born into a world at war." The history of the world is a history of the struggle between Good and Evil.  And we each have a role to play, a side to choose, a life that matters toward the final outcome.  That's why we love to root for the underdog, to cheer our favorite teams to victory, why we love The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Star Wars, and Narnia, and even James Bond. We want the good guys to win. We want John Wayne to catch the bad guy, lock him up and kiss the girl.

Still, reading these various snippets from wonderful writers did not move me as much as the article from Beth Moore.  In her book "So Long Insecurity" she tells the story of how God helped her overcome one of her particular fears.  She was praying that God would protect her from this worst thing imaginable---her husband leaving her for a younger prettier woman. It had happened to a couple of their friends. When God asked her what if it did happen? What would she do, how would she feel /react? And Beth describes her pain, her betrayal, her anger and her sorrow and grief beyond measure. And then what, God wanted to know? "Then I'd go facedown before God just as I have a hundred other hard times, accept His grace and mercy, believe Him to take up my cause and work it together for good, and then I would get up and choose to live."

I started this entry talking about how short our memories are when in the middle of trials. Beth's article reminded me that I have to see to the other side of the valley.  I know I get tunnel vision in the midst of daily challenges and frustrations.  I can only see this thing that is casuing me grief/pain/worry.  But if I would look back and see how far I have come, how far God has brought me/carriedme/guided me and then looked into the future knowing God knows already and goes ahead of me into the day or week or test or situation or whatever, then I can choose to get up and live too. I need to remember God has been faithful. In my life I have suffered and survived. I have lost two sisters and both sets of grandparents. I have survived a divorce. I have survived the betrayal of a friend whom I would have died to save. Yet here I stand..still..intact...more generous....more understanding...in some ways weaker, but wiser...battling the fear of letting God down in this battle for good.  I want to be courageous for Him, for myself, and for all those I might help along the way. I hope and pray my obedience counts on the good side!  Be Blessed!

After the First Last Supper.....

Holy Thursday I attended mass to celebrate our Lord's Last Supper. There are 2 things significant in this service. Our priest has 12 people from the congregation come up front and he washes their feet. It was quite touching really. And easy to take that imagination leap to another gathering of  2000 years ago when Jesus did the same for his closest followers. Then at the end of the service the priest holding the Eucharist walks throughout the church in solemn silence, mimicing the walk to the Garden.  Then we were dismissed. When I got home I went to Luke 22:39-44 and began to read. 

^"Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.^"

Our dear Teacher, Master, fully divine and fully man, Jesus felt human fear, felt anxious at what he knew he was going to sufffer.  But where did Jesus go for strength, for courage, but to His Father in prayer. I am seeing a pattern in the Scriptures. When I am feeling the fear rise up to choke out joy, to choke out life, I need to be praying without ceasing.  Henri Nouwen said "We are a fearful people....but fear never gives birth to love."  And love is what God showed when He sent His son to us. Love is what Jesus displayed courageously walking to His death for us. Fear breeds distrust, anxiety, and gives birth to isolated joyless lives. That is not the life I want to live.  Jesus came that we may have life and have it to the full. I'd like my cup overflowing please! :0)

False Evidence Appearing Real

I have seen this explanation for FEAR in several places recently. But my fears are NOT false. My daughter was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes 1 week before her 18th birthday. I live each day with the possibility that something could go wrong with her insulin pump etc. My dad is currently going to the doctor and for 8 plus weeks the tests get progressively more serious without a diagnosis. Through my own error/mistake I was written up at work and it says one more mistake and I will be terminated.  This reality has turned me into a nervouse wreck when I get rushed or there is a time crunch-like the end of month billing.  My point is that these fears are not false but very real to me. It is my reality.

Yet I still believe that I was meant to live with a fearless heart.  Not a pie-in-the-sky happy-go-lucky heart by ignoring the reality or refusing to talk about it or pretending it isn't really happening. I want the courage to look those truths in the eye and say "you are hard, difficult, challenging, scary, but I will not be afraid, because my God, my Jesus, my Mentor stands beside me."

"The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples." Luke 8:24-25 NIV

The disciples, in the middle of a storm, were frightened and called on their friend, their Rabbi, their Lord to save them. So, learning from them, on the days when the fears seem to be winning possession of my heart, I need to be in prayer, in the scriptures, have the praise music going and practice crying out to my Jesus, and then waiting expectantly for Him to calm the storm in my heart.  It does take practice though. Repetition until it becomes as natural as breathing. But the outcome will be well worth the time and intentional living.

Fear Comes in Many Shapes and Sizes

Fear is....waking up at 3:45 am and wondering where your child is. Fear is....test after test without a diagnosis. Fear is....hearing a siren outside your neighborhood at exactly the time you are expecting loved ones home. Fear is....one more mistake and your fired. Fear is....seeing the man on the side of the street with a sign "homeless" and knowing you are one check ahead of that circumstance. Fear is....wondering if anyone will ever love you again after the man who lived with you for 20 years chooses not to anymore. Fear is...feeling the call to get out of boat and walk on the water and being paralyzed.  All of these I have felt, lived with or through. I know Peter walked on water while his eyes were lifted to Jesus.  Bold, headstrong, eager Peter, climbs out of that boat and onto the waves of the storm to reach his Lord & Savior.  Still Peter is human, a simple fisherman, and when the wind howls and waves crash, his focus shifts from Jesus to the storm.  Is Jesus more powerful than the storm?  Yes!  Has Peter seen Jesus perform miracles? Yes! Yet even Peter felt fear. My point is that I should not judge myself too harshly, nor you judge yourselves too harshly when the fear overwhelms us.

The cure of course in this particular story is to keep our eyes on Jesus. Repeat what we know to be true. Does God love my child more than even I do? Yes.  Does God use trials to teach us lessons, draw us closer to Him? Yes! Does God know you and I need our jobs to make ends meet? Of course. Does God love me, just as I am, weak yet writing these words in obedience. Yes, yes, yes. Does He love you? Again yes, yes, yes. Whatever your particular fear He knows it and He will provide the courage to overcome. It takes practice to walk on water. Reading His promises. Seeing them in our lives. Taking the next step though the fog is thick and all we can see is the next step. Let us journey together.

^"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13 NIV

In The Beginning...

God created everything, including me and you. God made humans in His own image. The first one He made was Adam. "I heard the sound of you in the garden," he(Adam) replied. "I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid." Genesis 3:10 NJB  Adam was afraid of God. Adam knew he had disobeyed. The man God created and walked with in the evening, talking with him, spending time with him, experienced a warranted fear of his God. This is NOT the fear I feel. I have a healthy respect for God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. I know even when I make bad choices and sin, that He never seeks to harm me. God's goal is always to bring me home, to get me back on the right path and journey. Yet I also understand that all sin brings consequences. Adam was put out of the garden, separated from the close fellowship with God that he had enjoyed.  When I sin I am not afraid of God punishing me. I have rebelled and experienced the separation from God...that distance is definitely something to be fearful of. The chasm that opens between us and God when we sin is a horrible scary pit. Yet, having reached my 50th year, I have learned to stay close to God. Oh, I still sin, but my repentence comes much quicker. So the fear Adam experienced is not the fear I feel. I will continue my search and study.

^"The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1 NIV

Where to Begin

I am a perpetual student. I love books, words, lessons, organized plans for accomplishing something. In the case of this season of my life I want to learn to not be afraid. The question is where to start?  The Bible, of course. So I did a search on the word fear, fear not, do not be afraid, and courage, just to start. As I read through the verses that popped up, I was surprised at the good company I am in. Adam was afraid, Joseph was afraid, Joshua, Abraham, Sarah, the apostles, and more. It is an affliction that strikes many, yet they found a way to serve God, to overcome their fears. I will research and study and see what I can learn from those in our spiritual family tree.

"Be of good courage,And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD." Psalm 31:24 NKJV

Courage That Comes from Trust In God

I am shamelessly using "Point of Grace's" song Fearless Heart.

"I wanna live with a fearless heart

Courage that's coming from trust in God

It's constantly guiding me though the road may seem dark

I wanna live wanna live with a fearless heart"

For the past several months God has been prepping me to start this blog. First I had to face the fact that I was living in fear. I had to admit it to myself. I had to look at my life choices-what I said I wanted to do and what I actually did. Good intentions just won't do anymore. I had to examine my deep intimate self and ask what was holding me back. I was afraid. Afraid of failing God, myself, doing or saying something that would harm someone else, afraid of putting myself out there and being found lacking.  And I already know quite well that I am not perfect, but most of us like to keep a pretty cleaned up persona out there for others to see. 

Then I had to get past the fear of putting myself out here--in the world--to be real. I mean really real. The kind of real that will satisfy my God's desire for obedience. Because I am convinced that I am not the only Christian woman living with fear and handcuffed from fulfilling God's purpose because of it. So here I am...Showing up. That was the word for last week's online Bible study with Melissa Taylor of Proverbs 31 ministries. Go check it out. The Bible study was written by Rachel Olsen and is titled "It's No Secret." Someone said that showing up is half the battle. I encourage everyone to examine their own hearts. Are you living in fear?  If so, how does that fear cripple you from leading the abundant life Jesus has offered, and keep you from serving Him as He calls you?

Be blessed!

Deborah

April 2 2011 A Fearless Heart

For the past 4 plus years, God has had me in a position of "Be Still and know that I am God."  Now He is ready to kick me back out into the world. It's time to leave safe comfortable harbor and set sail on the adventure I have always longed for yet never pursued. Of course for the longest time I did not know that the adventure I yearned for was with my Father God and my Savior Jesus and my Teacher Holy Spirit. I must confess I am truly more of a "cowardly lion" and not  the "fearless heart" I want to be . But in being still the past four years I have learned to look to God and His word.  So as I explore the Bible and post verses that give me courage, and as I brave the adventures God puts in my journey, I will post and share here. I pray that my words will encourage you to become "A Fearless Heart" in living a life worthy of our God!