A New Direction for this Fearles Heart

THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DIVORCE

Introduction

     God laid the desire to write this book on my heart as I emerged out of the valley of divorce, holding tightly to His hand two years ago. There are scars, but the wounds have mostly healed. My heart was battered, but not crushed. There were days I knew without a doubt that I would not make it another hour, yet here I sit writing this to you.

     Two of the hardest elements to handle in the whole divorce situation were the isolation I felt and the slow passage of time. I truly believed no one could understand, nor could even relate to my anger, hurt and sense of abandonment. I was so alone and so lonely, and I couldn’t have survived without my friends. Even when I pushed them away, God sent them back to me. God sent them to listen, to hold me up, to cry with me and to even laugh on occasion.

     There were so many days when I survived purely hour by hour, the passage of time amplified by my chaotic emotions, physical stresses, and mental disillusionment. I didn’t believe the counselor who told me to give myself time, or the books I read that said the same thing, or the cliché that “time heals all wounds”.  What I believed was what my senses were telling me: I could not survive this madness even one more hour. Yet, I did. Time, sweet time, has passed and the madness has gone.

     My faith had been a strong vital presence in my life for more than ten years, and especially the last few years before my divorce. The divorce shattered that faith. Where was God? How could He let this happen? The divorce process made me feel like I had been kicked in the chest with a soccer ball. Losing my faith was like that soccer ball becoming embedded and refusing to let me breath.

     I would like to share with you my journey through the valley of divorce.

     The joke goes: A man fell down a manhole and couldn’t get out.  A priest walks by and the man calls out “Father, can you help me out?”  The priest says a prayer and walks on. A doctor walks by and the man calls out again, “Hey Doc, can you help me out of this hole?” The doctor writes a prescription and tosses it in the hole. Then a friend walks by, “Hey Joe, can you help me out of this hole?” Joe jumps in the hole. “Man, why did you do that? Now we are both stuck down here. Joe smiles and says, “Yes, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

     Hopefully God will use me to point the way for you.