Anger - Day Two

^“In your anger do not sin; 

       when you are on your beds, 

       search your hearts and be silent. SELAH” Psalm 4:4 NIV

     

     ….and listen to God. Hear His whispers. Do not spew, spit, fret, and curse. Walk through the corridors of your heart and expose the anger, but do not get caught up in it. Show it to God and ask for Him to take it so you can rest. 

     I prayed so often: “I am angry, Lord. Help me. Help me not to retaliate. The anger is real. I hurt. Revenge is what I WANT, but you say revenge is yours. I want him to suffer as I suffer. Take this from me.”

     Dear Sister in Christ, as you lie in your bed at night, you need peace to sleep, so search your heart and be silent. God our Father knows your hurts. To sleep well we must let go of the anger, and let God put His soothing healing touch on your sore places.

     For months I felt nothing—numb. The anger would erupt like a volcano that only the cooling rain of God could soothe or tame.  That rain came in the form of a safe place to retreat, soothing ocean music, good books, TV shows where the good guys win, praise music, phone calls from caring friends and being still. An anger eruption could drain me for days because I had so little energy. Divorce drains you of all emotional and physical reserves.

     My divorce was unbelievably civil though. We chose that. Our last act as a married couple because we both love our daughter. Neither had any illusions that this would be easy, but because we put her first--our meetings were civil--most of the time. One night I lost it because he made an insensitive remark to our daughter and she called me crying. I called him and yelled and cursed. I am not proud of it, but it was needed for me. My anger was important and he needed to be reminded that his actions had repercussions and there was a limit to my civility.

     I had to repeatedly lay the anger down at God's feet. As a dear friend would say, I had the learning curve of a squirrel. The nights I refused to let go were wakeful hard nights, but I did reach a place, a time, where I wanted the sleep and the peace more than the anger. You will too.

 Practical steps: 

If you want to sleep, each evening turn your heart over to God. Let Him stroll the rooms and corridors, and spread His restoring light and life. Feel it, believe it, and visualize it, whatever helps you is okay.

Your thoughts: ________________________________________________ 

“I will lie down and sleep in peace,
       for you alone, O LORD,
       make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 NIV